Life on the Spectrum

 

Life on the Spectrum

Imagine stepping into a world where everyone seems to be looking at you strangely. You don’t know why—but the stares are there. And suddenly, your mind fills with questions:

Did I do something wrong?
Did I say something off?
And the worst one of all: Is this just my imagination playing tricks on me?

For most people, this might seem rare, unlikely. But for me, this is everyday life. Autism makes it harder to decode non-verbal cues, harder to grasp the unwritten social norms that guide conversations and connections. But while autism presents its challenges, it has also shaped my strengths, my resilience, and ultimately, the person I am today.

I’ll share the obstacles I’ve faced, but also how autism has given me gifts that make me stronger in the long run.

Non-Verbal Cues and Rambling

As mentioned briefly before, my autism makes it harder for me to fully understand non-verbal communication.

For example, when I was younger, I used to ramble non-stop about a subject that I was fascinated by. However, the people to whom I shared my passion rarely shared the same level of interest in the subject as me. So, while I was talking, they’d start yawning, looking away, and so on and so forth. I think one guy even started picking his nose while I was talking, but I think he also had some problems. So that one wasn’t entirely my fault.

Getting back to the point, back then, I was oblivious to those cues. Like I was aware they were doing it, but I never seemed to realize why they were doing that.

Eventually, as I grew older and wiser, I became more socially agile and now I can catch on when someone is bored. Thankfully, I also realized that I cannot just talk about what I like. I need to also talk about what they want. If I know them well, it’s easy to do that.

If I don’t know them well, why talk to them? That’s a joke! It’s important to talk to new people, but you don’t need to have a big philosophical conversation with everyone.

I usually start with a simple question (like the famous “How are you?”). If there is an exam, I’d ask a question such as “Are you ready for the quiz?” Then the rest comes on its own.

Most of the time, I’ll tell a funny story that makes me look bad. The reason why is so the other person knows that I don’t take myself too seriously and I can laugh at myself. But be careful—it must be innocent fun! If it seems like self-hate, it won’t work!

Slip-Ups and Social Radar

I’m not saying that I’m perfect now. Sometimes I fall back into my old ways and find difficulty in understanding social cues, causing some awkward social situations.

However, they are much less frequent than when I was younger, and I usually always rebound from them, learning an important lesson each time.

I also see some other people making those same mistakes as me. I guess since I used to make them all the time, when I see someone else do them, I immediately notice (it’s as if I had a radar).

Friendships and Emotional Disconnect

Another difficulty is that it affects my friendships and other interpersonal relationships.

Despite what I try to do, my way of thinking and seeing a situation will never be the same as how a neurotypical person sees the same situation. Since we live in a world of neurotypicals, even though they won’t explicitly say it, their way of seeing things is the right way and my way is incorrect.

While I resent that, it’s just how it is.

Anyway, when I find my friends or co-workers do something I find is stupid, I tend to react strongly. Even though the reaction isn’t always the best, the other person will feel like I am being mean to them for no reason.

Then they’ll complain to other people, saying how I am such a mean person, then they’ll all think the bad guy, even though I am not. It’s just that my way of seeing things and reacting to things is different and they can’t seem to get that.

Neurotypicals tend to be very sensitive and take things personally even though most of the time, it isn’t even about them; it’s just how I react to everything.

With co-workers, it isn’t so bad, because I don’t have much emotional attachment to them. However, with friends, it’s much more serious, because I actually care about them.

So when I react strongly and they get offended, then dump me, it hurts much more.

The Superpower of Autism

Despite all that I said so far—even if there are some annoying aspects to my autism—I see it also as my superpower. It makes me who I am.

I’ll give a concrete example. I have a very analytical brain. When it comes to mathematical or scientific problems, I am able to quickly see how to get to the answer.

It’s not I that talks to the numbers; it’s as if the numbers speak to me and tell me what to do.

Unlike most people who find math and science to be the scariest thing in this world, I am able to see the beauty of it all. I am able to understand the logical foundations that it is built on.

Conclusion: Mutual Understanding

To conclude, while I may have some differences when compared to neurotypicals, at the end of the day, we are all human and we must all coexist together.

While some people believe it is for one side to understand and accept the other, I believe we must mutually understand each other and be open to all, regardless of anything.